T-shirts have always been the cornerstone of a man’s casual wardrobe, partially because of their comfort and partly for the personal statements they allow you to make. Want to support a president, generate some laughs, or simply look good? Any or all of these things can be accomplished depending on the t-shirt you wear. So to save you from digging through half a billion online t-shirt stores, we’ve compiled a list of our top 25, right here. Try not to wear them all on top of each other. Oh, and let us know if you’ve got others deserving of attention.
Alternative Apparel Burnout T-Shirt:
This shirt is like your favorite worn in t-shirt that’s been washed another 5,000 times. Real comfort and vintage looks get it on the list. Also, I would suggest getting a second one of these, since the sheer nature of it makes it look great on a lady friend who spends the night.
Cost: $35
Morning Wood Camo Shirt
Camo is a safe bet for a guys t-shirt (Patrick: especially in Eric & Dusty’s home state of Tennessee). Combine that society-wide accepted factoid trashiness with this example made of sexy lady silhouettes and you’ve got a winner. More for hanging with your friends playing Call of Duty than out on the town though. (Patrick:..cough, again depending where you’re from)
Cost: $19
Most Deadly
If you’re a male between the ages of 20 and 30, I better not need to explain this to you. Give you a hint, rhymes with “Bolden High.”
I’m Huge in Japan
Funny in more ways than one. David Hasselhof is nodding as he reads this and trying to see if they offer one for Deutcheland.
Cost: $19
Vandelay Industries
- George Costanza:[George rushes into Jerry’s apartment] Did anybody call here asking for Vandelay Industries?
- Jerry: No, what happened to you?
- George Costanza: All right, listen closely, I was at the unemployment office and I told them I was very close to getting a job with Vandelay Industries, and I gave them your phone number. So now, when the phone rings, you have to answer “Vandelay Industries”.
- Jerry: I’m Vandelay Industries?
- George Costanza: Right.
- Jerry: What is that?
- George Costanza: You’re in latex.
- Jerry: What do I do with latex?
- George Costanza: I don’t know, you manufacture it.
- Elaine: Right here in this little apartment?
- Jerry: And what do I say about you?
- George Costanza: You’re considering hiring me for your latex salesman.
- Jerry: I’m gonna hire you as my latex salesman? I don’t think so. Why would I do that?
- George Costanza: Because I asked you to.
- Jerry: If you think I’m looking for someone to just sit at a desk, pushing papers around, you can forget it. I get enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff.
Cost: $20
You have Died of Dysentery
Like “Most Deadly” previously, I should not have to explain this. Suffice to say this makes me miss true floppy disks and pre-8 bit graphics. However it is nice to know I can get my fix via iPhone now.
Cost: $20
Cougar Hunter
Wearing this may not be the most subtle move if you do indeed hunt the cougar, but, on the other hand, they’re an unpredictable breed so who knows. We all have that friend who likes the more “experienced” ladies, make this his next birthday gift.
Cost: $20
No Pants Shirt
Our opinion is that life with no pants might be an improvement over normal attire in the summer (GP Crew: *Ahem, by “our” Jon really mean’s “I”). We think most guys would agree. Women seem to not get this fact, maybe it’s the lack of external equipment. Hopefully this shirt gives you an valid excuse to live the life you want to.
Cost: $19
Fuckin Eh:
When they aren’t partying with Michael Moore, our neighbors to the north get mocked a lot and for a variety of a reasons. This shirt can help to start rebuilding US foreign relations by showing you heart the Canucks. So grab some tasty Canadian Beaver Tail, a Labatt Blue, and be a goodwill ambassador.
Cost: $16
Fucking Classy:
This shirt just makes us laugh and think of Will Ferrell both for Anchorman and his Robert Goulet impressions. “You stay classy, San Diego!”
Cost: $19
Red Riding Hood
Jon: This is my favorite shirt out of the 25. Great artwork, cool concept. Little red riding hood becomes a hardcore badass, all while looking rather natty in hounds tooth…nice. Grab one soon as all Threadless T’s are released on a limited basis.(Ben: Jon’s clearly into role playing..)
Cost: $18
Now Panic and Freak Out (Copy Stay Calm and Carry on)
As a play on posters created for Britain during World War II, it seems oddly appropriate in today’s climate. Maybe if we had stopped staying calm and carrying on 3 or 4 years ago, we wouldn’t be here… but that’s another story.
Cost: $10
Ace of Spades
Great for Thursday poker nights with the boys. Especially if you’re sub par with your knowledge of hands like me (What? My family played trick games growing up it’s not my fault). Unfortunately, the ability to transfer kinetic energy to throwing cards not included.
Cost: $15
Bicycle Infinity Shirt
Here at GP, you’ve noticed that we do encourage “green” living.This shirt gives the the stats on the 2nd greenest mode of transportation. Plus, has reflective printing to help keep you safe while doing it.
Cost: $15
Mount Morning Wood
Hehehe… the 13 year old that lives inside of me just couldn’t resist.
Cost: $15
Life is Short Play Naked
Calvin and Hobbes is one of the best comics ever, I would argue the best. But, technically, this shirt is wicked illegal (Ben: Did he just say Wicked Illegal?) since Bill Watterson never licensed Calvin or Hobbes for any merchandise. Still, the fact remains Calvin is awesome and has a great outlook on life, so it makes my list.
Cost: $20
College The Game Circle Shirt
The Game created the most well known and copied style of college baseball cap ever,the well loved “Bar Hat”. It’s rarer little brother was the “Circle Hat”. College Shack took this style over to t-shirts, making a unique college shirt to wear to the game. I only wish they offered my beloved UNH.
Cost: $18
15 Other Awesome T-Shirts on next page
Steve McQueen Barracuda Shirt
If McQueen were still alive today, I hope, nay know, that he would read Gear Patrol and approve. Cool in almost every way, he’s a measuring point to aspire to, minus the multiple marriages and death by cancer, obviously.
Cost: Approx $35.00
Liberate US
Easily the most controversial t-shirt on the list. Bound to get a response from both sides of the aisle. Takes balls to wear it, but the interesting discussions you’ll get in should be worth the risk.
Cost: $20
Outlaw Josey Whales
Clint Eastwood is still a badass…the fact that he’s been able to get the senior special at Country Kitchen Buffet for almost 20 years is irrelevant. Refer to Gran Torino if you disagree. I still will watch Outlaw Josey Wales if I catch it on AMC, and as such, this T makes the list.
Cost: $14
Obama Shirt
Regardless of political affiliation, November’s election was landmark for this country. Shepard Fairey’s much ballyhooed image makes for just as good a t-shirt as poster (WAY cheaper too). Time will tell whether it will it will be any more desirable than Bush/Cheney 04′ shirt is now, but for now it’s worth HOPEing for.
Guinness Get Lucky
Shamrocks and the best beer on earth…I’m smitten.
Be Tough
Best not worn in sketchy circumstances, as we don’t want to create misunderstandings, but great for a laugh. People belonging to Plaxico’s posse should pass, though.
Luxury Redefined
This shirt is the result of a quest to redefine what a sustainable t-shirt is. Organic material, fair trade labor, no extra water used to grow the cotton, renewable energy used in production…these guys took into account everything. A guilt-free shirt is the result.
Lego
Legos probably played a huge part in your childhood, and you’re likely still liable to sit down on the floor with a nephew, niece, or your own kid and lose track of a few hours while refusing to read the directions. Expect to get involved in serious drunk Lego reminiscing if you wear it to the bar. On a side note, this guy has a top 5 best job in the world.
Magic Bubble T-Shirt
Your imagination is the limit with this t-shirt, which comes with a washable marker to fill the bubble in with your own funny quips. When you feel some new inspiration coming on just put it through the wash. If you feel real strong about something just write with a Sharpie. We’d suggest “Gear Patrol Rocks!”
T-Bone Steak, Cheese Eggs, and Welch’s Grape
R.I.P Biggy. Ben: This is my favorite out of the bunch.
I Like Bacon
Except for Bay Area hippies, “who doesn’t” is the real question. Certainly Dusty likes his Bacon, I mean that guy dashes his food with salt flavored with bacon, awesome.
Endowed Bull
Subtle, but well played. If you didn’t get to study abroad, this shirt is a good compromise.
T-Post (T-Shirt of the Month Club)
If 25 new shirt ideas wasn’t good enough for you, T-Post will send you a new unreleased design every month of the year. Good Stuff.
26 Euros per shirt (~$34 per shirt, $415 per year.
