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The Simplest Beer Koozie Is the Best Beer Koozie

The importance of cooling your beer in earnest — that is, eschewing the traditional “koozie” for a bandana wrap.

Chase Pellerin

The beverage koozie as we know it has been around since the 1980s, though its name has been bro-ified from the more historical “cosy”, which was what the Brits called the knitted coverings they used to keep drinks and food warm. The foam era of the koozie led to the neoprene era of the koozie, but the premise has remained the same: buy this thing specifically to keep your beer cool.

Here’s what I was taught, though: you take your bandanna off of your sweaty head, fold it into a single flattened length, and wrap it around the beer, like it’s a boa strangling its prey, then tuck or tie both ends. The beer is easier to grip and comfortable to hold; the beer is insulated against the warming sun; the beer is hidden away from prying, judgmental eyes.

Pending empirical testing, the bandanna wrap does the job just as well as any number of cheap neoprene koozies that you’ll lose or won’t have on you at the vital moment of consumption, and it saves you the embarrassment of using a foam parody koozie. The “practical” man’s option might be this $30 thing from Yeti, which is made of stainless steel with a double-walled vacuum insulation and looks like it was conceived in an MIT frat house. But who needs another thing? Not you. Because when you’re just finishing up mowing the lawn or settin’ down in your folding chair with your toes tap dancing on the surface of your favorite body of water, you’ll quickly find there’s nothing so unifying as wiping down your brow, cracking one open and mixing your sweat with your can’s.

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