Maybe you already know how to wrestle a wild grizzly bear, chop down a tree with your hands or build a rocket out of duct tape and tin foil. But unless you can slide across the hood of a car, you’re not living your best life. The hood slide is the perfect answer for those times you are in such a hurry you simply can’t be bothered to walk around the front of the car (say, if you’re being chased by a rabid gang hell-bent on beating you senseless, or if you’ve just committed an old-timey heist). You don’t have to be Luke Duke or a Beastie Boy to utilize this manly move — just follow these easy steps and you’ll be a master it in no time.
Before Conducting Any Hood Slide:
1. Check to make sure the area is clear
2. Find a car with as long and flat a hood as possible
3. Be mindful that the rivets in your jeans and watch or jewelry could scrape the car
4. Know who owns the car; don’t dent and run, because that’s not cool
Executing the Slide
Four Steps To Glory
Make sure you have enough runway to get to the necessary speed to launch your slide.
Place your hand on the base of the A-pillar. Like a pole vaulter, this will be your sturdy base and launch point
Swing the leg closest to the car over the hood. Make sure your toe doesn’t catch or you’ll face-plant directly above the engine block.
Finish strong with confidence…even if you totally fuck it up.
Like all things, it’s good to practice this a few times, and note that the ability to pull this off is inversely proportional to your alcohol intake — so maybe pull this on the way into the bar, not on the way out.
Additional Illustrations by Silvana Volio