Disclaimer: Gear Patrol neither endorses nor supports any form of fighting. That said, Gear Patrol is fully aware that if warranted, you as a man, have the right to protect yourself. This includes the rapid resolution of an assailant’s attack.
Fighting can be a bit of a taboo subject in our culture. On the one hand we love GTA, Fight Club, and the UFC, but the first time elementary school boys get into a fisticuffs, we put them into anger management therapy. Gone are the days when two guys could get into a fistfight over a legitimate dispute without a lawyer or an assault charge sneaking into the mix. Flying in the face of this, Gear Patrol (and I think every self-respecting man) recognizes that you still need to know how to handle yourself should the situation arise. Enter, “Prevent, Provoke(d), and Prevail”, day 19 of the 30 Days To Be A Better Man Initiative.
First off, regardless of whether you’re a Pikey from Snatch or a Clay Aiken-lookalike, the only way to guarantee a win in a fight is not to get in one. That is to say, your best bet is prevent a confrontation. If someone bumps into you at a bar and spills your drink, thumping his head doesn’t prove anything except that you broke GP’s #1 rule… don’t be a douchebag (see page bottom left). For the most part let things slide; it may be easier said than done at the end of dollar pitcher night, but imperative. At the opposite end of the spectrum is someone else being aggressive towards you. If you did something stupid like spilled a drink on someone’s girlfriend, apologize sincerely, and disengage. Don’t turn your back while disengaging, keep your hands held in a apologetic (palms out) non-threatening manner. This not only gives the impression that you’re backing down and hopefully appeases the douche hassling you, but it keeps your hands ready for action if need be.
At this point a fight is looming inevitably. Either you have inadvertently provoked someone, or someone has pushed the red zone button for you. Also, this is the point you want to remember that you have no idea how far the other person is willing to go, (e.g. pull a knife, hit you with a cue ball) so we’re shooting to quickly engage and incapacitate. In either fight situation assume/continue in your non-threatening posture, but start moving towards him. Keep talking and saying things like “I think we can work this out.” The point here is to close the gap while lulling your adversary into a false sense of security.
Now it’s go time. Staying on your feet and slugging it out like you see on TV is stupid. All you’ll get is a boxer’s fracture and a long fight. Once you’re within reaching distance grab his collar or ears and head butt him. The goal here is to drive your forehead through his nose. Don’t stop with that, move right to a football tackle, staying low and driving with your legs. You want to take your opponent to the ground and be on top of him. It’s very difficult to stage an effective attack from your back unless you’re BJ Penn, and if someone’s on their stomach they’re in trouble. If he’s still conscious, bounce his head of the ground, he’ll either get knocked out or give up. Keep in mind the goal is to incapacitate, not to pull an American History X on the guy. A couple of other dirty tricks are the throat punch, and elbow strike. Use in if/when necessary.
Every situation is different. 99.9% aren’t worth fighting about. Unless you or someone you love is physically threatened, think hard before starting a fight. Its consequences can change your life. I worked as a bouncer in college and lost my romantic view of a fight when I saw a guy get hit in the face with a pint glass because he politely and respectfully struck up a conversation with a woman who turned out to have a real possessive boyfriend. It wasn’t pretty and the poor guy will never look the same. Not too mention the legal trouble the assailant got in.
Let’s continue the conversation. Have you ever been in a fight, or have stories of a douchebag provoking you? Share them, and the resolutions, below.